TRUMPET DECLARES WAR ON CAPE VERDE

As Hurricane Delta hit the United States, President Trumpet declared, “I am not going to take it anymore!” As the tenth named storm to hit the US this year made landfall, Trumpet blasted, “These hurricanes have all originated in Africa and I am not going to tolerate it any longer. Every time they strike Florida I have to cancel my golf game.”

Most of the hurricanes are spawned off West Africa’s coast near Cape Verde when hot dry Sahara desert winds meet cooler, wetter winds from the South Atlantic. “Unless the responsible African nations take suitable action to reduce these storms I will be imposing sanctions on Cape Verde immediately,” Trumpet declared.

When advised by his staff that hurricane formation was a natural phenomenon, not generated by human activity, Trumpet snapped, “I  will be sending my son-in-law, Jared (I Know Everything) Kushner to head up a task force to reduce the temperature of the Saharan winds and negotiate a stoppage to these destructive hurricanes.”

The fact that the US does not import anything from the Cape Verde island-nation did not deter Trumpet from his sanction threat. “If I can’t slap a tariff on something, then I will use my dark felt marker to delete them from the world map. See how they like that!”

VP DEBATE FLY IDENTIFIED

During last night’s Vice-Presidential Debate a fly-like object landed on the hair of Vice President Mike Pence for about two minutes. Sources close to the Democratic Party claimed that it was not an ordinary fly, but rather a strategic drone. 

The drone-fly, named Filbert, was flown into the hall when Pence’s    face appeared to glass over and he appeared more comatose than usual. Republican technicians used the fly to reboot the computer chip planted in Pence’s hair that was programmed with calculated responses to the debate questions. 

Technician, I.M. Honest, reported that with Pence’s rather plastic countenance, it is often difficult to determine if he is experiencing a technical short circuit or is just clueless. Unfortunately, with the time delay of two minutes, many of Pence’s subsequent answers to the moderator’s questions were not always in synch! 

The faulty computer chip was also responsible for Pence’s inability to stop talking even after being chastised to stop several times by the moderator. Filbert did not remain longer as it had an urgent message to return to it’s White House base to assist Donald with his TV remote which appeared to be stuck watching “Big Bang Theory” reruns.